I spent the night riding around on the back of a stranger's Harley.
I had such an amazing time, it felt just like the movies. This guy walks into the bank today, and it wasn’t even the bank I usually work at, I was just subbing, filling in for the day. And he just so happened to pick today to go into that bank. And I just so happened to be the only person available to talk to him at the moment. We got to talking, and next thing I know he’s walking out with my number. Then next thing I know we’re going to a bar for “bike night.” I haven’t been on a bike in so long, it was amazing. And he’s… well I don’t really know him yet, but it was great to do something risky and crazy. Great fucking night. :)))
This is the last straw. I’ve felt obligated to take you back time and time again because of the times that I’ve screwed up. But this is it. You promised me you’d never go through my phone again. You did anyway. You promised you’d never yell at me again. You did anyway. You swore you’d never be able to hit a woman. This makes twice now. You promised you’d never walk away because you loved me so much. You told me that I’m going to have to work really hard to get you back now. Well, guess what. Fuck that, fuck you, I don’t give a fucking damn anymore. And you can “accidentally” send me all the suicidal text messages you want, I don’t care. You’re fucking 28 years old, stop with the drama. And I will ignore every single phone call you make tonight. (Like the one I just got, yes.) Good luck finding someone else to cry to considering that you’ve burned all your other bridges. Have a nice fucking life.
But then, out of nowhere, a picture of the two of us shows up on facebook. Fuck, I can’t do this… I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to live without him. So why did I make him leave me? Because I know his life is going to be better without me. He deserves someone that can give him everything, and I’m just too broken. That doesn’t make me love him any less, and it doesn’t ease the pain of the certainty that he’ll never know that I’m sacrificing my world so that he can be happy…
“Do you remember? Do you remember being solid? Do you remember life before the hole? Before you were empty and needed to be filled? There was a time when everything was enough. There was a time you didn’t try to get out of your own skin. Remember?”—Amy Reed (via rawie)